


Scandalous

by littlemisscurious



Series: Tom, Emmy, Ben, Ellie, Paula, Max and Sophie [30]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fun, Older Man/Younger Woman, celebrating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-13 16:52:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1233955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisscurious/pseuds/littlemisscurious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>follows the events of "Paula's Return" and "Sunday Morning" which have been written by a dear friend of mine and can be found on w-is-for-writing.tumblr.com</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Little Red Dot

 

“Are you recording already?,” Tom asked with a mischievous grin and emptied his champagne glass in one big gulp. “Luckily not,” Paula replied, giggling, and the little black camcorder in her hand shook with her laughter.

Without taking his eyes off her, Tom placed the empty glass on the table beside him and crossed the few metres between him and his girlfriend with two quick strides. His hands slipped around her slender waist with ease and casually he nipped on the soft skin of her neck. Biting her lip with a smile, Paula tried to push him away gently.

“Tom, we need to finish this first,” she reminded him but he just mumbled something in agreement and turned his attention back to caressing her skin. “Tom, please,” Paula tried again, her voice an almost inaudible sigh, ere she pinched his side with her free hand. He had heard her, oh yes, he had, but he simply took her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers before pressing them against the wall right beside her head.

 

The champagne they had been drinking to celebrate his most recent award, which crowned him “Man of the Year” once more, had left him hungry for her kiss and craving the taste of her skin. The first empty bottle of champagne stood discarded by the TV, the second one, still half-full, stood waiting right beside it.

Tom knew they had to film his acceptance speech before he was too drunk from the dangerous mix of his girlfriend and Moët & Chandon but how could he think of names and thank yous when Paula stood there in nothing but a flimsy, almost see-through summer dress? He knew very well that she was not as innocent as she liked to pretend and neither her guileless smile nor her small, black-rimmed reading glasses, which, in his eyes, made her look like an incredibly sexy librarian, did anything to hide the fact the she too had things in mind other than listening to him saying thank you over and over again.

“The speech can wait,” he whispered into her ear before he nibbled on her earlobe. Paula gasped and would have dropped the camcorder if it had not been for Tom’s swift reaction which prevented the fall of the little recording device. With a mischievous glint in his steel-blue eyes, Tom took it from her and placed it on the chest of drawers next to them before his lips returned to her soft skin once more.

Paula knew that now any resistance would be for naught and so she finally gave in, lifting her head ever so slightly to give him better access to the tender tissue of her neck. She could feel him smile against her skin and briefly she rolled her eyes at him before her free hand felt for the knot of his blue tie. Slowly, she loosened it, the silk cool under her touch but before she could take it off altogether, he stopped her.

“Allow me,” Tom purred, dropping their intertwined hands to undo the tie himself. His eyes roamed over her face, the pale lashes framing her eyes fluttering slightly in the semi-darkness of the room. “Do you trust me?”

For a moment she simply looked up at him, trying to discern why he nervously bit his bottom lip after this quiet, almost inaudible question. His long, slender fingers played with the silk tie in his hand and he let out a quiet breath of relief as Paula nodded.

“Of course I do, Tom,” she smiled, warm and reassuringly, though still wondering why he had asked. Carefully, he took her hand once more and led her towards the king-size bed. Quickly and wordlessly, he pulled the covers aside and turned back towards his girlfriend, taking in the sight before him.

Her trusting, blue eyes rested on him and as he stood there in his white button-down shirt and the dark blue dress trousers, the equally blue tie still dangling from his fingers, she thought for a moment that he looked almost scared or at least nervous and incredibly vulnerable.

She took a step towards him, taking his free hand in hers and guiding it to the thin strap of her dress. He pushed the fabric away, slowly and gently, ere doing the same on the other side. For a moment the thin dress still clung to the soft round mounds of her breasts before it fell to the ground, pooling around Paula’s naked feet in a pile of pale blues and greens. Tom was mesmerised by what he saw.

Her long, blonde hair, still damp from their earlier bath, cascaded over her shoulders all the way down to her rosy nipples, almost hiding the tender, delicious buds from his view. A bright, single ray of evening sun fell into the room through a crack in the curtain and tickled the smooth plane of her stomach, the faint trail of hair leading down towards her mound shimmering like threads of gold in the warm light.

Too distracted was Tom by the beauty of his girlfriend that he did not notice the little, gleaming, red dot on the chest of drawers behind her. Instead, he pulled Paula close, kissed her hungrily and allowed the silk tie to finally slip from his fingers and onto the floor. It would be used another time for sure.

***

“Come on, Tom, hurry up! We are late!”

Rubbing his tired eyes, Tom stumbled through the hotel room, pulling up his trousers while shoving his remaining clothes into his overnight bag. They had slept through the alarm and were instead woken by a call from his mother who had wanted to make sure they were on their way. The abrupt awakening had them running around hectically, brushing teeth and picking up discarded clothes simultaneously while bumping into each other ever so often. Nevertheless, he knew they would be late for lunch.

Diana Hiddleston had merely laughed at the other end of the line, mumbling something of ‘being young and in love’ and she gave them the address of the restaurant in question once more, promising to keep Emmy and Ben entertained until they arrived.

Briefly, Tom glanced around the room once more while he pulled on his shoes - Paula was already waiting by the car - and as soon as he was finished he grabbed his phone and bag and closed the door. The heavy wooden door fell shut with a quiet thud and while he worried if his shirt was too crumpled for lunch in public, the little red dot still gleamed in the now empty, quiet room.

to be continued…


	2. Big Bright Light

_ _

 

_[ screen lights up slowly ]_

_A woman is lying on the bed, her long, blonde hair cascading down the side of it. While she clings to the bedsheets underneath her with one hand, her other is buried in the curls of the man whose tongue is eliciting the sweetest of sighs from her lips. He looks up at her every now and then, relishing her squirming underneath his touch as she, wordlessly, begs for more._

_[ screen fades out ]_

“Darling, have you seen the camcorder anywhere?” Once more, Tom turned his bag inside out, searching for the small, black device. After the lunch with his mother earlier that day, the children had begged to stay at Grandma’s a little longer and he had granted their wish given that it was the school holidays anyway. Now, with additional free time at hand, he was eager to get the speech done so he could send it off but the camcorder was nowhere to be found.

Her hair still wet from her shower, Paula walked into the bedroom, only a white towel wrapped around her slender body. “No, I thought you took it,” she shook her head apologetically and Tom sighed.

“I suppose it’s still at the hotel then. Let me give them a call.”

_[ screen lights up again ]_

_His strong arms are wrapped around her body, one hand cupping her bum as she straddles him. Their lips are locked in passionate kisses and her fingernails dig into his arms while she rolls her hips slowly and teasingly._

_[ screen fades out]_

“They said it hasn’t been found but they’ll check with the cleaning staff again. That’s weird, though, it must be somewh-…What’s wrong?” With a confused expression on his face, Tom stopped in the doorway to the kitchen. Paula sat at the dining table, her laptop open in front of her, and one hand covered her mouth, her eyes wide in shock. When she didn’t answer, he walked over to his girlfriend to peer over her shoulder. He nearly dropped his phone when he saw what she was looking at.

“What the hell?”

_[ screen lights up again ]_

_Moaning over and over again, he hovers over her, the muscles in his arms and back clearly defined as he pushes himself off the mattress. Her slender legs are wrapped around his waist, heels digging into his sculpted backside. Eventually, she throws her head back, moaning his name ere he, too, reaches his climax._

_[ screen fades out ]_

“Well, I don’t give a shit, quite frankly, about who is responsible for this. Fact is, someone of your staff did not only steal one of my private possessions but, furthermore, published incredibly personal material, which shouldn’t even exist, for the entire world to see. I swear to everything that I hold dear that someone will pay for this!” Angrily he hung up before the phone flew through the room, landing on the wall by the door with a loud crack.

The screen was broken, he knew it, maybe the entire phone. It had been ringing all the time ever since that video was found online and everyone – friends, family, his agent – wanted to know what was going on. He didn’t know.

His lawyers and the police were trying their best to remove the content again but he knew that nothing could ever be entirely deleted again once it had entered the multitudinous spheres of the world wide web. This would haunt him and Paula for a long time and maybe even his children in the future.

_[ screen lights up ]_

_The couple can be seen kissing and snuggling in bed. The moment seems incredibly intimate and peaceful and the couple is perfectly at ease with each other. Their thin bedsheets are only covering them from the hips downwards and the pale moonlight falling through the crack in the curtain illuminates their skin, still covered in a thin sheet of sweat._

_[ screen fades out ]_

“Honey?…Please open the door.” Tom wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he had begged her first to let him in. Paula had holed herself up in her old bedroom on the top floor and he could hear her crying through the thin wooden door. Thoughts were racing through his mind and he was angry, hurt, sad, and somewhat ashamed at the same time. He hadn’t realised the camcorder was filming them and he probably wouldn’t even care that much if it was only about him. But it wasn’t. It was about him and the woman he loved and he could only imagine what Paula felt like with the knowledge that the entire world was now witness to something that belonged to them and them alone.

A stray tear rolled down his cheek as he rested his head against the wall by the door, his knuckles meeting the wood again gently. “Paula, please…” Silence hung heavily in the air all of a sudden until he could finally hear movement inside and the door was unlocked. Hesitantly, he pulled down the handle and opened it.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” Tom whispered as he saw her, finally. Her eyes, red-rimmed, looked so devastatingly sad and it broke his heart when she collapsed under tears once more. Slowly, he robbed over to where she sat and pulled her into an embrace, both now crouching on the floor, holding onto each other for dear life.

It could have been hours or mere minutes that passed, they didn’t know. Eventually, her tears subsided, her body too tired and exhausted to produce any more. She was still lying in his arms, her face buried in his shirt, her hands clinging to the fabric.

“Let’s go away for a bit, darling. Let’s focus on us, you and me, while the lawyers and the police deal with it all.” He barely realised she was nodding in response as new tears filled his eyes and dripped down onto her long, blond hair.

_[ screen lights up ]_

_Quiet murmurs can be heard from the bed, confessions of love and adoration mixed with the odd giggle, while they lie under the sheets, legs and arms and everything else intertwined, their bodies spent and their desires sated._

_[ screen fades out one last time ]_

_to be continued…_


	3. One Last Kiss

 

Cautiously, Tom crossed the hallway and walked to the front door. He feared that it was another of those blood-sucking, gossip-hungry photographers that had managed to jump over the fence and was now standing in front of his door. Ever since the video had been leaked online, the gate to their driveway had been blocked by members of the press pointing their cameras and lenses at the house whenever they sensed the slightest movement behind the curtains. He hated living like a bird in a cage. Luckily, his children were still at his mother’s and, hopefully, entirely oblivious to what was going on.

Quickly, he checked the door camera before buzzing the quite unexpected guest in at the gate. He could already hear the gravel scrunching under her shoes before he opened the door to greet her. Her blonde hair glowed in a similar shade than that of her daughter but was cut into a stylish pixie cut. Seeing her strutting towards him, Tom realised once more where Paula must have gotten her incredibly good looks from.

 

“Allison! I didn’t know you’d come. Paula hasn’t said anything.” His smile was a bit sad and forced given the circumstances of their meeting but no less heartfelt while hers was equally as strained.

 

“Paula doesn’t know I’d come,” she said gravely and hugged him briefly, the remnants of her Irish accent still lingering in her speech.

 

“I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you," Tom mumbled and, picking up her small suitcase, led her inside and through the house into the kitchen at the back. “Let me go and get her quickly,” he added and, leaving her suitcase by the dining room door, he walked upstairs.

 

“Darling, may I come in?” She hadn’t really left the bedroom much during the last 48 hours. Her phone lay unused and turned-off on the ground beside her and her laptop had also been thoroughly avoided since that discovery. He didn’t blame her.

 

She didn’t reply but nevertheless he slowly entered their shared bedroom. Paula was lying on the bed, curled up into herself almost as if trying to use as little space as possible. She looked pale except for her red-rimmed eyes and her blue orbs had left their sparkle much to his dismay.

 

“Hey sweetheart,” Tom whispered, taking a seat on the edge of the mattress, gently stroking over Paula’s hair. She looked up at him but didn’t move, her fingers remaining curled around the crisp, white pillow underneath her head. “Paula, your mum is here,” he added, his fingers playing with a strand of her blonde curls. Obviously this was a reason to finally move and slowly she sat up.

“Did you call her?” Her voice was barely a whisper but her proximity to him made it easy to understand her words.

“No, I didn’t. I thought you did but she said she came of her own accord,” Tom breathed, pulling her onto his lap, his arms wrapped around her middle and his face buried in her hair. “I’m with you, love. All the way.”

***

“Shit!”

 

Cursing, Tom dropped the hot lid into the sink and turned the tap on to cool his burned fingers. The flowing water momentarily drowned out the bubbling of the sauce on the stove and the continuous excited voices of Paula and Allison coming from the living room. They were speaking German, much to his dismay, leaving him clueless about the exact topic of their discussion. He wasn’t yet entirely sure about Allison’s position on this delicate subject and it unnerved him. Did she blame him? Did she blame her daughter? He’d have to wait to find out.

 

Turning the tap back off again, Tom tried to focus on cooking dinner but the bits and pieces of the women’s conversation that reached the kitchen left him on edge.

 

_“Paula sei doch vernünftig! Es geht doch nur um ein paar Wochen, bis sich die Lage beruhigt hat!”_

_“Nein Mama, ich bleibe hier! Und damit Ende der Diskussion!”_

 

Her cheeks wet with tears, Paula stormed out of the living room and into the kitchen where she stood next to Tom wordlessly. He could feel her mother’s eyes on him but as he was still oblivious about the subject matter of their argument, he wasn’t quite sure how to act. Hesitantly, he placed his arm around his younger girlfriend and breathed a kiss onto her hair.

 

“You okay?,” Tom mumbled and she nodded, leaning her head carefully against his shoulder. Once more he looked over to Allison who was standing in the doorway, her arms crossed and a sad frown on her face.

***

The bedroom was already dark when he entered it though the faint moonlight shining in from outside allowed him a glimpse of Paula’s outline underneath the duvet. Silently, he crawled into bed behind to her, his arm automatically finding its way around her middle. He could feel her tense up a little at his touch but he snuggled up to her nonetheless, his face buried in the nape of her neck. Her skin smelled of vanilla and Tom smiled before he kissed the tender skin. Paula mumbled something but as he couldn’t make out what it was, he continued his slow but loving advances. His hand glided under her shirt, his fingertips circling her belly button while he gently pressed his crotch against her backside.

When Paula pushed him away and jumped out of the bed, it all happened way too fast for him to react properly and her elbow just about missed his nose in the process. Genuinely confused, Tom sat up. “What’s wrong, honey? What have I done?”

A short but mirthless laugh left the young woman’s lips. “Seriously, Tom? There’s this video of us out there and you just want to pretend nothing’s happened and have sex?” He flinched a little. Aware of her mother being in the room upstairs, ere he replied, defiantly, “Of course I’m not pretending nothing’s happened. But I love you! I didn’t know that was an offence till now.”

Paula huffed in annoyance and crossed her arms as she turned away from him. This was all too much for her to bear. The press lingering in front of their house all day and night, the knowledge of their intimate moment being out there for the world to see, her mother begging her to come home. She felt helpless and completely out of her depth while Tom seemed to handle it all so much better. He seemed to rely on everything sorting itself out with time but she didn’t have that much trust in his lawyers and publicist.

 

 

As she looked out of the window, her eyes flitting over the dark neighbouring houses and their currently empty driveway, she could hear Tom getting up behind her, the sound of his naked feet padding on the wooden floor coming closer with every step.

“This isn’t easy for me, either, Paula. It’s far from easy actually. I am so incredibly angry yet at the same time I feel utterly helpless. I don’t know what to do and it pains me to see you hurt.” He was standing right behind her, his breath tickling her neck, yet he didn’t touch her. She could faintly see his pale reflection in the window, his shoulders hunched and his gaze directed sadly at the back of her head. Briefly, Tom lifted his hand as if to touch her but he didn’t in the end.

Taking another deep breath, Paula turned around to face him. “Maybe my mother is right...Maybe I should go home to my parents until things have calmed down. Because the way it is now, I can’t cope with any longer. It’s nothing against you, Tom, but...being close to you...I just can’t deal with it, with all of it, right now.”

Tom swallowed hard, his eyes fixed on her but she didn’t look up. Instead, she stared at his chest, his arms still crossed before her chest. “How...how long will you be gone?,” he whispered, hesitantly, fighting the urge to hug and kiss her, to beg her to stay.

“I don’t know. A few weeks, I suppose,” Paula mumbled in reply, still unable to meet his eyes. Carefully, Tom lifted his hand to take one of hers, stroking slowly over her fingers.

“I don’t want you to go, love. I want you here, right by my side, but...I can’t force you to stay, obviously.”

Slowly and finally, she looked up to him, her blue eyes glistening with tears. “I think it’s better for now, Tom. Better for me and for us.”

 

He wasn’t quite sure whether she was trying to convince him or herself but either way, he didn’t nod. He simply continued to look at her, her hand still resting in his, until he finally leaned in to press his lips desperately against hers, knowing full well that this would be the last kiss in a really long time.


	4. Careful First Steps

"Hey buddy, what are you still doing down here? You should long be asleep." Placing his glasses on the small table next to him, Tom looked at his son standing by the living room door. For a moment Ben didn't reply but then his little shoulders started shaking and tears fell freely from his eyes.

"Heeey, what's wrong, sweetheart? Come here, eh," his father mumbled, worried, and held his arms open. Quickly, the little boy crossed the distance between them and fell into his father's arms, crying quietly. Tenderly, Tom rocked him back and forth, trying to soothe him while his hand stroked up and down his son’s back.

"You want to tell me what's wrong?," he tried again after a while and slowly Ben nodded.

"I...I want Paula to come back. I miss her and...and she hasn't given me a goodnight kiss in weeks," he sobbed, his voice a little higher than normally.

Tom could almost hear his heart break at his son's confession. It had been four weeks since Paula had gone back to Germany with her mother and though they talked occasionally and she spoke to the children every day, it wasn't nearly the same as having her with them.

“Let’s give her a ring tomorrow and maybe she’s got time to skype with you so you can see her again,” he suggested quietly, still holding his son close and Ben nodded slowly. For a moment they remained on the sofa, Ben leaning onto his father while his eyes grew more tired every minute. “Come on, let’s get you back to bed,” Tom mumbled and stood up with him, slowly walking up the stairs to the little boy's bedroom.

“Daddy? Do you think she’ll come back soon?” For a moment Tom focused on the cars and trucks on Ben’s bedsheets ere he looked into his son’s sparkling grey eyes again. “Yes, I think she will, sweetheart. She simply needed some time with her Mum and Dad, that’s all. Don’t worry about it now, though,” he whispered and kissed him on the forehead. “Sleep well, darling.”

The little boy nodded, his eyes still full of fear and worries but his father’s presence helped him calm down after all and while Tom remained by his side, Ben slowly fell asleep again, his small fingers tightly curled around his favourite cuddly toy.

***

“Do we need to press anything, Daddy?”

“No, just wait until her face shows up, sweetheart.”

“But what if it doesn’t?”

“It will, don’t worry!”

With a loving yet somewhat sad smile on his face, Tom sat on the sofa, his children next to him both staring at the screen of his laptop waiting for the sign that their skype session with Paula had begun. The regular yet kind of annoying beeping sound echoed through the room but Ben’s and Emmy’s eyes remained fixed to the screen, eagerly awaiting Paula’s answer to their call.

“Oh, hello there!”

His heart skipped a beat as Paula’s face appeared on the screen, her blonde curls tied back into a messy bun and her blue eyes twinkling in the morning sun. She looked rested and happy and it hurt him a little to know that he wasn’t part of that happiness right now.

“Paula!”

“When are you coming back?”

“Hey Ben, hey Emmy! I’m coming back soon. How are you? Where’s your Daddy?”

For a moment he thought she’d sounded a bit hesitant but he was probably just imagining things and therefore he remained silent. In the end, his relationship issues did not have to be discussed in front of the children anyway. Yet, he felt distant to Paula. Of course, they had talked over the last few weeks but it wasn’t the same as before. It was almost as if they were back to the employer-employee relationship they had had before and Tom hated it more than anything. He longed to hold her, to kiss her, to tell her he loved her but every time he attempted to say it over the phone, it sounded wrong and shallow.

“Daddy is sad,” Emmy said, earnestly, and looked at her father briefly before turning back to the computer screen. “He thinks we don’t see it but we do. We all miss you, Paula!”

Sometimes his daughter was way too honest, Tom realised and he took another sip of his Earl Grey tea while Ben and Emmy chatted away with Paula, who seemed extremely interested in their newest toys and playground adventures.

 

The sound of quiet sobbing demanded his attention soon after. It wasn’t Paula who was crying, though, but Ben sitting on the sofa next to him.

“I just want you to come back, Paula. I want to go to the zoo with you and...and I want to cuddle with you and play the piano,” he mumbled, clumsily trying to wipe the tears away from his cheeks.

“Oh honey…,” she whispered in return, her eyes now sad and her smile gone.

“Come here, love,” Tom breathed and pulled Ben into a tight embrace on his lap while the little boy’s shoulders continued to shake with every gasp and sob.

“Would it be okay if I talked to your Daddy alone for a moment?,” he heard Paula say after a short while and after looking at him briefly, Ben and Emmy nodded. Lovingly, Tom wiped Ben’s tears away one more time and pressed a kiss onto his forehead ere his children both turned towards the screen once more to blow Paula an earnest yet sad kiss as well.

“Please don’t cry, Ben! I’ll be back soon, I promise. And I love you very much, both of you!”

Benjamin nodded and carefully took his sister’s hand who waved at the screen one more time.

“See you soon, Paula,” Emmy said ere pulling her brother out of the room to play with the train track they had set up in the living room.

 

“Hey Tom.”

“Hi.”

Tom felt weird talking to her via Skype, knowing that this time it wasn’t because of him being absent due to his work but because of something else, something way more private and personal. It had taken the press a few days to finally come up with a new topic that captured the nation’s interest but nevertheless, this awful video was still somewhat centre of attention.

“Um, I thought I might take the flight on Saturday morning. Mum would drop me off at the airport and that way I’d be back in London for Ben’s and Emmy’s last two weeks of the school holidays,” Paula said, quietly, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger which had escaped her messy bun.

“That would be great! Let me know when you’ll get here exactly so we can come and pick you up!,” Tom mumbled, fumbling with the collar of his shirt. Why did it feel so weird talking to his girlfriend? When had they started building up this wall between them which he felt unable to pull down again?


	5. Paula's Return

As this part has not been written by me but instead by a wonderful friend of mine, I'll simply link you to the post on tumblr :) Have fun reading it!

 

[ **Paula's Return** ](http://w-is-for-writing.tumblr.com/post/79100135536/paulas-return)

And you might also want to check out [**Sunday Morning**](http://w-is-for-writing.tumblr.com/post/79039989664/sunday-morning), while you're at it ;)


	6. One Big Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> follows the events of "Paula's Return" and "Sunday Morning" which have been written by a dear friend of mine and can be found on w-is-for-writing.tumblr.com

 

Once more she glanced at her reflection in the mirror before Paula left the bathroom. The house was quiet now that Emiliana and Benjamin were in bed and she walked downstairs to join Tom. They still needed to talk about what happened, about them, about their future. Spending time with her family away from the paparazzi, away from being ‘the girlfriend of’ had given her the opportunity to think about it all but, nevertheless, there remained still many things left unsaid between Tom and herself.

He was standing on the patio just outside the kitchen door watching the setting sun glow like a massive golden ball over the rooftops of London. He turned when Paula’s footsteps echoed through the otherwise quiet kitchen and a relieved smile crept onto his face. She had almost forgotten how much she loved his face when he smiled. Dimples would appear on his cheeks and his eyes were lined with wrinkles of happiness while his smile actually managed to light up the entire room.

Wordlessly, her arms slipped around his middle and Tom hugged her close, breathing a kiss onto her hair. Holding each other close and listening to the other’s regular breathing, they watched the sun slowly vanish behind the neighbouring houses, shrouding everything around them in a mixture of resistant orange and looming grey.A brief shudder went through her and Tom instinctively pulled her closer, trying to warm her against the cool evening air.

He did not want to let her go, did not want to let her out of sight for longer than necessary out of fear that she might leave again. He needed her by his side just as much as Ben and Emmy needed and wanted her in their lives.

 

“We should talk, Tom,” Paula whispered after a while and he nodded, his cheek pressed against her temple. “I guess we should,” he agreed and together they went back inside, finding themselves on the sofa in the living room soon after, a glass of wine in their hands.

“So,...how are things with the video? Any progress?”

Shortly, Tom glanced at the dark, red liquid in his glass, thinking back of all the days the press had lingered in front of their house, thinking of every time he and the twins had been stalked and molested whenever they left the house together.

“Um, actually yes. The guy who stole the camera is being charged with theft and the website who hosted it first is also being sued by my lawyer together with a few others. He could probably tell you more about it as I kind of stopped listening after he said it had been taken down for now. I’m afraid it will never be entirely gone but at least the bigger platforms have deleted it. I’ve also received incredibly support from fans and colleagues on twitter and I’m confident that most people find it as shameful as we do that it has been made public in the first place.” Tom paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts, while Paula let the news sink in. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this, Paula. I’m sorry I haven’t been careful enough. You were hurt and I partly blame myself for it.”

She shushed him gently though with a sad smile on her lips. “This isn’t your fault, Tom. I confess, I still hate the fact that it’s out there for everyone to see because this was our moment, yours and mine and no one elses but...I should not have left you alone with it. I should have stayed by your side but instead I ran away. I’m sorry.” Tears were now glistening in her eyes and Tom placed both their glasses aside to gently cup her cheeks.

“You are here now, love. That’s what matters. I’ve got you back and that’s all I care about right now,” he breathed, his lips mere inches from hers. “We’ll be okay, Paula, I know we will,” Tom whispered once more ere he kissed her, gently and lovingly. She smiled into their kiss as he nibbled on her bottom lip, his hand now buried in her hair. He couldn’t get enough of her, wanted to touch and taste her at any given moment and so far she did not seem to mind.

 

They were both entirely out of breath by the time they broke apart and giggling quietly while she sat on his lap, Paula buried her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his own personal scent which she loved so very much. His hands roamed over her back, tracing along her spine and down to the small of her back. She had lost weight he realised as his hands slid along her thighs to feel the soft skin under her dress. Paula’s lips, meanwhile, traced along his neck, her teeth and tongue nipping and licking and sucking on the tender tissue. Her name left his lips in a whispered moan and he leaned his head back to give her further access which she took advantage of without needing to be asked.

Paula stopped all of a sudden, pressing a fingertip onto Tom’s lips as he was about to complain before she slid off his lap, straightening her dress at the same time. Only moments later, Emmy and Ben entered the living room quietly and without a word they crawled onto their father’s and Paula’s lap for a cuddle. A little embarrassed, and to avoid any further questioning after the little blanket incident that morning, Tom quickly readjusted his trousers ere holding his daughter close. Paula winked at him cheekily over Ben’s head, knowing full well about his little - or not so little - problem but he only stuck his tongue out in response.

“Why are you both still up?,” Tom asked quietly after a while and Emmy turned her head to look at him. “We couldn’t sleep because...we thought Paula might go away again,” the little girl replied and her brother nodded in agreement, cuddling up even closer to the blonde woman on whose lap he sat. “I won’t leave you again, I promise. And the next time I go and see my Mum and Dad, I’ll take you with me because they are very eager to see you again!”

Ben’s face lit up at her announcement and she returned his beaming smile. “And actually, that is if your Daddy doesn’t mind, I would love to move in here properly.” Paula looked up at Tom, nervous about his reaction for she knew full well what a big step it was and what it would entail. She had wanted to ask him in private but somehow the children’s worries had made her say it now. Swiftly, the twins’ heads swivelled around and two matching pairs of grey eyes looked at Tom in addition to her blue ones.

His mouth was slightly agape but quickly Tom nodded with vigour. “Yes, yes of course. Wow...um, I didn’t expect that,” he confessed, not taking his eyes of the gorgeous woman next to him.

“Think about it properly, Tom. It’s a big step and one way or another, I won’t leave that soon anyway, so don’t you worry, Emmy and Ben,” Paula smiled lovingly, aware of Tom’s eyes still resting on her as she got up with Ben in her arms.

 

“Time for bed now, sweetpea! Otherwise you’ll fall asleep during our trip to the Natural History Museum tomorrow.” The little boy rested his head on her shoulder, his arms wrapped around her as best as he could. “Will we see dinosaurs tomorrow?,” Ben mumbled, rubbing his eyes tiredly, while Emmy kissed her father soundly on the cheek. “Oh absolutely, Ben! We wanted to go and see the big T-Rex even, didn’t we?”

Quietly, they continued their conversation as they walked back upstairs to Benjamin’s bedroom, Tom and Emmy following close behind. At Ben’s bedroom door, Tom kissed his son goodnight and walked up another short flight of stairs to his daughter’s bedroom.

 

“Daddy?”

“Yes sweetheart?”

Emmy hesitated shortly, crawling back onto her bed and under her duvet before she continued talking. “If Paula really lives here now and because you really, really like each other, does that mean she is now our new Mummy? Because I would like that. I know that our Mummy is still watching over us like you explained but I think Paula would be a really good second Mummy, don’t you think?” She looked up at her father who was now sitting on the edge of her bed, her brown curls tousles and sticking up in all directions while her grey eyes were alert and curious.

Tom knew it was a delicate subject and yet he was touched by his daughter’s assessment. “You know what we could do, darling? We could talk to Paula tomorrow and she if she liked that, hm? I’m so happy you like her so much, though. I really, really like her, too.” The little girl smiled widely and proudly before she opened her arms for a hug which Tom gladly gave her. “I love you Emmy,” he mumbled, kissing her goodnight. “Sleep well and have sweet dreams!”

 

Still a happy smile on his face, Tom left her bedroom soon after and entered his own where Paula already leaned onto one of the bedposts, waiting for him.

“I suppose tonight we should wear clothes in bed to avoid a repetition of this morning, eh?,” she winked and pushed herself off the bed to walk towards him.

“Or we could take them off first and put them back on later,” Tom grinned, cheekily, starting to open the buttons down the front of her dress.

“Mr Hiddleston, I love the way you think,” she breathed, pressing her lips hungrily onto his own, thereby muffling his response.


	7. Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: contains mention/depiction of sexual assault and violence

 

A heavy mist hung around the trees and lampposts at Wandsworth Common Station when Paula exited the train that night. Trying to shield herself from the curious glances from fellow passengers as she left the half-empty carriage, she shuddered a little as the chilly breeze hit her outside, making goosebumps appear on her naked arms and legs. Her steps were a little wobbly as she crossed the empty platform on her 4-inch heels but she knew that her shoes were only partly to blame.

It had been weeks since she had seen her friends and they had had loads to catch up on after her unforeseen escape to Germany. Wine bottles had been emptied and gossip had been shared in a crowded South Bank bar. But now she was tired and cold and she longed for her home, for the comfort of Tom’s arms and the warmth of their bed.

 

“Well, well, look who we’ve got here. If that isn’t Hiddleston’s little slut, am I right, guys?”

Paula almost stumbled when the hooded figure stepped out of the shadows and into her path followed by three others who took position behind her, circling her in while they laughed quietly in approval. Once more, she let her hair fall into her face in one last attempt to hide her face but she knew it was too late. Her phone was tucked away in the clutch dangling from her wrist and unable to reach for it without drawing attention to it, she swallowed as her entire body tingled with fear.

“Cat got your tongue?” He stepped closer, lifting his hand to wipe her hair out of her face. “That would be a true shame after you’ve already proven what lovely, lovely noises can come out of that pretty mouth of yours.” He was close enough for her to hear his whispered remarks and for a second Paula closed her eyes. He smelled of beer and cigarettes and his clothes were stained and hung loosely from his limbs.

“You know, sometimes being a spectator isn’t enough for me,” he continued, low and gravelly, his stinking breath wafting past her nose and more than before Paula felt the urge to vomit. Her feet were rooted to the spot and unable to move she froze entirely in the presence of his threat.

 

When a hand, rough and calloused roamed up her exposed thigh and under her skirt, the first tear fell from her eyes, slowly followed by another and another until her cheeks were wet.

His quiet laughter shot through her bones and it took her a moment to realise that more hands had joined his. His mates had closed in on her, pulling on her clothes, her hair, her clutch, groping every bit of skin they could reach. The sound of her dress being torn was unnaturally loud in her ears but only seconds were left for her to wonder about it before she was pushed hard.

Desperately, Paula tried to keep her balance but her heels, the wine, and her fear were a toxic combination, leaving her tumbling to the concrete ground. Small stones scraped against her thigh and a few more dug into her hand as she tried to cushion the fall before her head hit the floor, unprotected and hard. It all went blank after, drowning out the laughter and the hands and the cold of the night.

***

A groan left her mouth when she regained consciousness. Slowly, she pushed herself off the ground, cautiously looking around but she was alone. A fox stopped in the distance and looked at her curiously before wandering off into the night. Leaves and grass were sticking to her skin and dress, her hands were dirty and a little bloody.

For a moment, Paula thought about simply lying back down again, defeated and hurting, until someone would find her but Tom must be worried by now and she had to get home, somehow.

She whimpered as she got to her feet, her heels lying on the floor beside her, and grabbed her clutch. Her purse was still there, thank god, and her phone lay on the concrete floor, the screen broken and the phone turned off. Once again tears rolled down her cheeks as she stumbled home with her possessions in her hand, her dignity still lying in the grass and dirt behind her together with one of her earrings, a present from Tom.

 

Desperately, she pushed button after button but her phone remained black and dead until she finally gave up and dropped it back into her clutch. A car pulled up next to her and the driver rolled down his window.

“Hey, are you okay?” It was a woman, her face lined with worry as she saw the young, blonde girl stumbling along the pavement, her dress in tatters, her hair messed and dirty, blood running from her leg and forehead. Paula simply nodded, holding onto her things even tighter and, scared, she continued her journey home as fast as she could.

Paula sighed quietly in relief as the familiar gate of their driveway came into view and with shaking fingers she pressed the buttons on the number pad soon after. The few metres to their front door never felt that long but the soft, amber glow of their living room light indicating that Tom was still awake, kept her going until she was able to knock against the door at last, exhausted and hurting but glad to be finally safe.


	8. Failure

 

With worried eyes, Tom placed his phone back down onto the sofa next to him before he emptied his glass, the golden liquid burning slightly as it ran down his throat. It was almost 2 am and Paula had never been out that long since they’d become a couple. Of course she still wanted to spend time with her friends but she was always home earlier, craving for their shared bed, his touch, and his embrace.

When the screen of his phone lit up again at the touch of his finger, mere two minutes had passed and he growled quietly, annoyed at himself for being so desperate to have her back. She was a grown woman, capable of making her own decisions and that included when to come back home after a night out with her friends. Nevertheless, he typed a quick message and sent it off.

«Miss you, love. Will you be long? xx»

Only seconds later a quiet knock echoed from the door and he jumped up, a wide smile on his face, although he wondered why she did not simply use her key to open the door herself. Covering the few metres to the front door, he unlocked it and beamed at his girlfriend. “Hey, did you forget yo-…Paula?? Paula, what happened? Oh my god, come here. Come inside.”

Her hair, normally blond, almost golden in the pale light of the street lamps, was dirty and messy, leaves and small chunks of earth sticking to each strand. A faint trail of blood ran down the side of her face, its origin a small wound on her left temple. She shivered and almost stumbled over the small step in front of the entrance before Tom caught her and carried her inside. Still, she did not speak a word.

 

“Honey, what happened? Talk to me, please,” Tom begged, scared and worried beyond measure, as he placed her carefully on the soft, cushioned sofa. Slowly, she looked up, seemingly confused for a moment about where she was and, especially, who he was. “Hey, it’s me love. It’s me, Tom. You’re home, you’re safe. It’s alright.” The words tumbled from his mouth like rocks rolling down a scarp while his fingers scrambled for hold on her torn clothes, scared of hurting her more than she already had been hurt.

Anger rushed through him; anger at those who did this to her but also anger at himself. Why had he not checked earlier? Why had he not called and ordered a taxi to pick her up? Tears filled his eyes but he blinked them away while he kneeled in front of the young woman. For a moment her eyes fluttered close and she grew limp under his touch. “Paula, hey…stay with me love. Come on, open your eyes.”

One hand gently patting her cheek, he fumbled for his phone with the other and dialled the number for an ambulance.

***

“Daddy?” Emiliana’s voice was only a mere whisper as she stood in the doorway of the kitchen, looking at her father kneeling on the floor amidst a sea of silver glass and golden Scotch.

“Emmy, please stay where you are. There’s glass everywhere, I don’t want you to get hurt,” Tom replied, his back still turned towards his daughter. He did not want her to see his tears, the pain he felt at the thought of Paula, now safely in their bed upstairs, having been hurt.

“Daddy, did you hurt yourself?,” the little girl asked, her small voice laced with worry. Slowly, Tom shook his head, ignoring the shard of glass that had gotten stuck in the tip of his finger.

“No, I’m fine, sweetheart. I’ll just tidy this up and then I’ll come to tuck you back in.”

 

The padding of her naked feet on the tiles in the hallway grew fainter and fainter with every step she took away from him until it was muffled by the carpet on the stairs.

Quickly, he glanced behind himself to ensure he was alone again ere new tears started falling once more, mixing with the golden liquid surrounding him. Quiet sobs shook him and he did not feel the splinters of glass digging into his flesh as he pressed his hands against the floor to keep himself from falling over.

_Why was he incapable of protecting the woman he loved? Why did it happen to him again and again?_

Tom hissed quietly as the alcohol sunk into the tiny wounds now covering his palms and his anger flared up once more. Only the thought of his children upstairs kept him from screaming, kept him from taking another one of his precious crystal glasses to shatter it on the kitchen tiles, right next to the other one.

 

Slowly, he stood up and tiptoed over to the sink to clean the wounds and get the glass out of his hand. It burned and stung, only adding to his wrath against himself and whoever was responsible for the wounds and bruises covering Paula’s body. Quickly, though, he tidied up the mess he’d made, his pyjama bottoms drenched in Scotch, the smell of the alcohol making him sick as he walked upstairs.

He did not stay long in Emmy’s room, excusing himself with needing to get changed and looking after Paula. The little girl nodded and looked after him with tearful, grey eyes as he left her room with a hanging head, wondering if it was her doing that her daddy was so sad and angry.

 

Paula was still awake when Tom entered the bedroom and he looked at her sadly as he took of his stained clothes. As he passed her on the way to his wardrobe her hand stretched out towards him and the touch of her fingers against his wrist was like an electric shock amidst the depressing calmness the entire house seemed to be shrouded in.

“Tom. Come here.” It was a whisper, nothing more, but he listened and stepped towards the bed, biting his lip to keep new tears at bay as she moved over to make room for him on her side. Wordlessly Tom slipped under the sheets beside her, his big, blue eyes roaming over her face, trying to read from it despite the darkness in the room.

 

Her skin was hot as she pressed herself against him, her nails digging into the flesh at his back as if she was holding onto a buoy in the stormy sea. He, on the other hand, was scared to touch her, afraid that he might hurt her even more than she had already been hurt that night.

“Tom, please.” Her voice was quiet and hushed and he could hear the tears falling from her eyes more than see them. “Please hold me,” Paula begged again, lifting her head to look into his eyes.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Tom breathed in reply, his hand still hovering a few inches over the soft skin of her waist.

“You won’t. You can’t.”

He had almost felt like laughing if the situation had not been that grave. Even if he was unable to hurt her, he couldn’t protect her from it either.

 

“I’m so sorry, my love,” he whispered, a quiet sob escaping his lips while his hand now rested on the naked plane of her back. He could hear her sniff quietly and her warm breath tickled his chin.

“This wasn’t your fault, Tom. You hear me?” She waited for him to look at her before she spoke again, “This was _not_ your fault.” He searched for the ‘but’ in her big, blue eyes but couldn’t find it. Even in the cut on her lip, the bruise under her eye, and the small wound on her left temple, he could not find the big accusing ‘but’ he was waiting for. She really did not blame him.

 

_Then why did he still blame himself?_


End file.
